Heading fishin...

A bloke's wife goes missing when holidaying on the Barrier Reef while they were out scuba diving.

When he can't find her, he reports it to the police and spends the night wondering what could have happened to her.

Next morning, there's a knock at the motel door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, a tough old Sarge and a younger Constable.

The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you; unfortunately some really bad news, but some good news and maybe some really good news."

"Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first. "

The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry pal, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms down in a little cleft in the Reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."

The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a sob. The two coppers wait patiently at the door, looking suitably solemn.

After a few minutes, he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is.

The Sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice muddies attached to her wetsuit, so we've brought you your share."

He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice sized crays and four or five mudcrabs in it.

"Geez thanks, mate. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that .. Now, what's the really good news?"

"Well," the Sarge says, "me and young Bill here get off duty around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again! You fancy grabbin' some stubbies and comin' with us?"

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

2 Cowboys and an indian...

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?"

"Yeah," says the other cowboy.

"Look," says the first one, "he’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."

Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."

"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"

The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Italian Fest!

At the church's husband's marriage seminar, the Priest asked Luigi, on his upcoming 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the audience "Well, I'v-a tried to treat-a her well, spend-a da money on her, but-a, da best-a is-a dat I took her to Italy for da 20th- anniversary!

The Priest immediately commented, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell the audience what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary..."

Luigi proudly replied,

"I'm-a gonna go and-a get her."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

How to cheat

A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed.

So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.

They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they’ve had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife’s going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?"

She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.

His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry.

"Where the hell have you been?" she demands.

"Well, honey, its like this," he says. " I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."

"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" says his wife. She sees his hands are covered with powder. "You God damn liar!! " she shouts. "You were playing pool again, weren’t you?! "

Moral of the story:
Always tell your wife the truth. She won’t believe you anyway and at least your conscience is clear.

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

2 hour delay

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of You B*****ds who want off, get the f**k off now, cause we're in a hurry! And all of you B*****ds who are getting on, get the f**k on, Cause We're going down the tracks".

The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't Use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.

When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want You to Use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed Playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to Take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one."

She hears the little boy continue,

"For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your Hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us Today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added..........

"For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, Please see the fat b!tch in the kitchen."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au