Another Seniors Week Joke

An elderly gentleman had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors.

When he arrived, the waiting room was filled with patients.

He approached the receptionist, who was a large, burly woman, and gave her his name.

In a bellowing voice, the receptionist said, "Oh yes, I see your name here. You're here to see the doctor regarding your impotence problem, right?"

The heads of all the patients in the waiting room immediately snapped around to look at the very embarrassed man.

Recovering quickly, and in an equally loud voice, the man replied, "Actually, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation ... and I'd like the same doctor that did yours."

_____________________________________________

Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Operations

A beautiful young woman about to undergo a minor operation is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff.

A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination.

When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, “These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?”

He shrugs and says, “Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We’re just here to paint the halls.”

_____________________________________________
Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Seniors Week #5

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say,"Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."

Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said "Esther I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."

Esther replied "Morris that helicopter ride is 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

The pilot over heard the couple and said,"Folks I'll make you a deal I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's 50 dollars".

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvre, but not a word was heard. He did his dare daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said "by golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Morris replied "Well, I was going to say something when Esther fell out, but "50 dollars is 50 dollars."

_____________________________________________

Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Seniors Week #4

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five old guys were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale.

The driver pleaded with him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Sir," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous."

"I beg to differ, Officer, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!" the old man said.

The trooper, chuckling, explained to him that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the man grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out his error.

"But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These guys seem awfully shaken."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute," the old man said. "We just got off Route 119."

_____________________________________________
Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Seniors Week #3

A man breaks into a rich widow's house. He runs into her and yells, "Where's all your money old lady?"

She explains that she never keeps any money in the house. He gets agitated and grabs the woman by her hands and starts to frisk her. "I know you have money old lady. Where is it?" yells the man.

The old lady replies, "Well, if you keep frisking me right there, I will tell you!"

_____________________________________________
Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Seniors Week #2

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,"Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

The old man replied, "It's fart football!"

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says - "Touchdown, tie score!"

After about five minutes the old man farts again and says - "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7!"

Not to be outdone the wife rips another one and says, - "Touchdown, tie score!" Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says - "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14!"

Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed.

The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?"
The old man replied, "Half-time, switch sides!"

_____________________________________________
Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Seniors Week #1

An old couple were getting ready for a night of bingo. The old lady was looking in the mirror and said to the husband, why are you with me?

He said what do you mean?

The old lady said just look at me I am falling apart, I have bags under my eyes, wrinkles all over my face my tits hang to my waist, my arms are flabby and my ass looks like a golf ball, I have just fallen apart and I cant see why you are with me.

The old man replied "well because I love you".

The old lady said " how can you love someone who looks like me", just tell me one good feature I have.

The old man replied "For one thing your eyesight is perfect"!

_____________________________________________
Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au