Cow Pat Lip Gloss

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail.

The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon.

"Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?"

"Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips."

"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.

"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Broken tail light

"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist.

The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a long, painful groan.

He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit.

"Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious."

"It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Not much of a truckie

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three dangerous looking bikers walked in.

The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter.

The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man's milk and then he took a seat at the counter.

The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner.

Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"

The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

85yo in the wars

Herbie limped into the club to have a few beers with his mates.

"Wwhat's wrong, Herbie? You're looking a bit pale", said one.

"Well", said Herbie, looking a bit embarrassed, "I've been in jail for six months after being charged with rape."

"But, mate! You're eighty five!"

"That's the problem", said Herbie. "I pleaded guilty and I got six months for perjury!"

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Best weekend ever

He was obviously trying to impress her as they walked into the jewellery shop on Friday night.

"Choose any diamond ring you'd like, darling", he said, gesturing flamboyantly.

She chose a five carat setting worth $40,000.

"Can I pay by cheque?", he asked the manager.

"Certainly, sir, but of course you understand that we will have to keep the ring until the cheque is cleared."

A few days later, he returned to the jewellers.

The concerned manager said, "I'm afraid your cheque has bounced."

"Yes, I know", he said, "I just dropped by to thank you and say that I had a really great weekend."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Little Harold and his whisper

Little Harold was hopping on one foot then the other.

"I gotta piss! I gotta piss!", he cried to his mother in front of her friends.

Mother took him to the toilet and explained to him that next time he wanted to go to the toilet, he should not use those words. She said he should come in and talk quietly - "That's a whisper" she said.

Two hours later, Harold came rushing in again.

"I wanna whisper! I wanna whisper!", he said.

His mother knew what he wanted and took him to the toilet, after which he was rewarded with a candy bar.

That night the urge came on again. Harold jumped out of bed and ran to his father.

"What is it, son?", his father asked.

"I wanna whisper, Daddy. I wanna whisper."

"O.K. son, come here and whisper in my ear."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Taking the dog for a walk

A little girl asked her Mum, "Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

Mum replies, "No, because she is on heat."

What does that mean?" asked the child.

Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on heat and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."

He took a rag, soaked it with petrol, and scrubbed the dog's Backside with it to disguise the scent and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"

The little girl said, "She ran out of petrol about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au