Doggy style

So, these two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored.

So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex in someone's front lawn.

"Look", he shouts, "What are the those dogs doing? Are they fighting?"

The passenger, being a man of the world, replies, "They are having sex. Don't tell me that you have never had sex doggie style before?"

The driver, a bit embarrassed, admits that he has never had sex doggie style.

So the passenger says, "You have to try it. Its pretty cool. Here's what you do. Tonight when you get home, fix your wife a margarita and then suggest that you want to try this new sexual position."

The driver thinks a bit and then decides he will give it a try.

So the next morning, the two commuters are back in the car and the passenger asks, "Well. How did it go?"

The driver replies, "It was great. But it took me 6 Margaritas just to get her on the front lawn."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

dumber and dumber

A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why.

She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger "units" than his dad.

His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is." Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play.

Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Perfect man

A man walked out into the street and managed to get a taxi just going by. What luck, he thought, as he slid into the cab.

"Perfect timing," the cabby said. "You're just like Bill."

"Who?" asked the man.

"Bill Smith. There's a guy who did everything right," the cabby said. "Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Bill every time."

"Nah," the man said to the cabby. "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

"Not Bill," said the cabby. "He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."

"Bill was really something, huh?"

"Oh, yeah," continued the cabby. "Bill had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday.

He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."

"No wonder you remember him," the man said.

"Well, I never actually met Bill," said the cabby.

"Then how in the world do you know so much about him?"

"I married his widow," replied the cabby.

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Tax time

A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions. He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks "What is your occupation?"

The woman replies, "I'm a high-priced whore."

The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."

The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl!"

"No, that is still too crude. Try again."

They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."

The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a call girl?"

"Well, I raised over 5,000 little peckers last year."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Death Row

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker.

The priest had given them last rites, the warden had given the formal speech, and a final prayer had been said among the participants.

The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"

To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?"

"Certainly," replied the warden.

He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?" "Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Embarassing situation at the doctors

A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem.

As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed.

"I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go."

The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad."

"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked.

The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Basic maths

The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice.

He had always hated Math, so, he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.

He asked her, "If I were to give you $20,000 minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

She replied, "Everything but my earrings."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Amazing Dog!

A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary, so he called his wife to make up an excuse.

After work he invited his secretary to dinner. It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had great sex for two hours.

Afterward the fellow went to the bathroom to straighten up for the trip home and noticed a huge hickey on his neck.

He panicked, wondering what he was going to tell his wife.

After the man unlocked his front door, his dog came bounding to greet him. Aha, the man thought, and promptly fell to the carpet, pretending to fight off the affectionate animal.

Holding his neck with one hand, he said, "Honey, look what the dog did to my neck!"

"Hell, that's nothing" she answered, ripping open her blouse. "Look what he did to my tits!"

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Johnny goes jogging

John Howard was jogging in Canberra. Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner.

He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow. "Two hundred and fifty dollars!" she'd shout from the curb.

"No! Five dollars!" He would fire back, just to shut her up.

This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence. He'd run by and she'd yell, "Two hundred and Fifty dollars!" He'd yell back, "Five dollars!"

One day, Mrs Howard decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog.

As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, Mr Howard realised she'd bark her $250 offer and Mrs Howard would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He figured he'd better have a darn good explanation for the 'Boss'.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, he became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there was the hooker. He tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled: "See what you get for five bucks, you tight bastard?"

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au