Pig shootin

A Northern Territory farm-hand radios back to the farm manager.

"Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the Ute. The pig's ok but he's stuck in the bull bar at the front of my Ute and is wriggling & squealing so much I cannot get him out".

The manager says "OK there's a 303 behind the seat, take it out and shoot the pig in the head & you'll be able to remove him".

Five minutes later the farm hand calls back. "I did as you said boss. Took the 303 and shot the pig in he head and removed him from the bull-bars. No problem there, but I still can't go on."

"Now what's the problem?" raged the manager..

"Well Boss, it's his motor bike. The flashing blue light is stuck under the right front wheel arch.....................

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Snow white and the blues origin team

Snow White sends the seven dwarfs off to work in the mine while She stays home doing her chores and packing their lunch.

When Snow White arrives at the mine to give the dwarfs their lunch, she discovers that there has been a cave-in down the shaft.

Frantically, Snow White starts moving some large rocks away from the mine entrance uncovering a small gap.

Snow White yells down the mine shaft "HELLO..... CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?"but there is no reply.

Once again Snow White yells"HELLO..... CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?"

This time she hears a voice faintly in the distance................

" NSW are going to win this years State of Origin series"

Snow White breathes a huge sigh of relief "Thank God Dopey is still alive!!"

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Happy marriage

A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. "My darring," he whispers, "I know dis you firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want. You juss ask. Whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls... Numbaa 69."

More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her...

"You want... Garlic Chicken with corrifrowa?"

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Monica Lewinski and the magic lamp

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie. "Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!" she exclaims.

"No," said the genie, "You have been very bad in recent years, and because of this, I can only give you one wish."

"Let's see," says Monica, "I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage. And I don't need money, because after I write my book, My TV show, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want. I would like to get rid of these love handles, though...Yes, that's it, for my one wish, I would like my love handles removed."

POOF!!!! And just like that... her ears were gone!

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

State of Origin!

The NSW Origin team training session was delayed at Telstra Dome today for nearly two hours.

One of the players, while on his way back to the dressing room happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown white powdery substance at the end of the field.

The NSW Coach immediately suspended practice while the Police were called in to investigate.

After a complete field analysis, the Police determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the try line.

Practice was resumed when the officials decided that it was unlikely that the team would encounter the substance again this year.

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

How you get into hospital

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Blue Mountains west of Sydney on my Sportster, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.

So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the &*$)@ out of all of you!"

St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple minutes ago..."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Fancy dress party

A couple were invited to a swanky family's masked, fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache! She told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the backseat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home; put the costume away and sat up reading when he came in. She asked what kind of time he had.

"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced once. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."

"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.

To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life”

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

After surgery

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful."

Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute."

The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now "cute."

She asked, "What happened to beautiful?"

The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au