My dad is the best!

Three boys are bragging about their fathers.


The first kid says, “My dad can shoot an arrow and reach the target before the arrow does!”


The second kid says, “Well, my dad’s a hunter and he can fire his gun and be there before the bullet!”


“That’s nothing,” says the third kid. “My dad works for the council. He stops working at 4:30 and gets home by 3:45.”

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How not to spend your eternal life...

A woman visits her last husband at the funeral parlour. When she sees him, she starts crying.


“He’s wearing a black suit,” she tells the undertaker. “It was his last wish to be buried in blue.”


The undertaker apologises, saying that it’s standard to put bodies in a black suit, but he’ll see what he can arrange.


Next day, the woman returns and there is her husband in a blue suit.


“That’s wonderful”, she says. “Where did you get it?”


“After you left,” says the undertaker, “a man about your husband’s size was brought in wearing a blue suit. His wife said he wanted to be buried in black and asked if there was anything we could do.”


The woman smiles gratefully.


“After that,” the undertaker continues, “it was simply a matter of swapping the heads.”

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Got a Joke you think the Zoo would like? Email zoo@sea1007.com.au now!!!

Vaseline Survey

A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

"I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."

"If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex," she said. The researcher was a little taken back.

"Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty.

Since you've been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?"

The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."

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Got a Joke you think the Zoo would like? Email zoo@sea1007.com.au now!!!

Bee Sting

A young woman had been taking golf lessons all week long. She`d just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense, she couldn`t continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention.

Her golf Pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked,"Why are you back so soon?" What`s wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee," she answered.

"Where?," he asked.

"Between the first and second holes," she replied.

He nodded his head knowingly and said,"Then your stance is too wide."

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Got a Joke you think the Zoo would like?

Email zoo@sea1007.com.au now!!!