Matty Bowen

One day Anthony Minichello dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there St Peter recognizes him straight away, and says "Hey Mini, how would you like to play a bit of origin here in heaven"

"Whose playing?" asks Minichello

"Oh the usual the 12 apostles, Noah, David the usual crew." answers St Peter.

"OK! But I've got one question!" Minichello exclaims.

"Well what is it?" says St Peter.

"Has Matty Bowen died yet?" says Minichello.

"Why is that?" asks St Peter

"Because I'm sick of that little mongrel making me look like a fool!"

"No" says St Peter "his time doesn't run out for a while yet"

"Alright then!" declares Minichello "I'll Play."

So the first game comes around and Minichello is pretty nervous playing along side legends like Noah and the like. When he finally runs out to face the music he looks across at the other team and who should he see standing there but a little black fella with curly hair, in a maroon jersey and a number one on his back. Minichello says to himself "Can't be, St Peter said his time wasn't up yet, and we're in heaven, they wouldn't lie."

So Minichello convinces himself that it can't be Matty Bowen and the game starts. First kick down field by the blues is caught by this Matty Bowen look alike. He then proceeds to step everyone, chip over Minichello's head and scores.

This happens a few more times and finally Minichello is pretty angry and decides that St Peter must have lied. So at halftime Minichello grabs St Peter and says, "I thought you told me that Matty Bowen wasn't in heaven yet?"

"He isn't," says St Peter "Are you calling me a liar?"

"I am," says Minichello now nearly crying with despair and pointing at the maroon’s number one and saying "Are you telling me that’s, not Matty Bowen?"

St Peter follows Minichello's pointing finger and burst out laughing and says "Oh! That's GOD he just thinks he's Matty Bowen.

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Doggy style

So, these two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored.

So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex in someone's front lawn.

"Look", he shouts, "What are the those dogs doing? Are they fighting?"

The passenger, being a man of the world, replies, "They are having sex. Don't tell me that you have never had sex doggie style before?"

The driver, a bit embarrassed, admits that he has never had sex doggie style.

So the passenger says, "You have to try it. Its pretty cool. Here's what you do. Tonight when you get home, fix your wife a margarita and then suggest that you want to try this new sexual position."

The driver thinks a bit and then decides he will give it a try.

So the next morning, the two commuters are back in the car and the passenger asks, "Well. How did it go?"

The driver replies, "It was great. But it took me 6 Margaritas just to get her on the front lawn."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

dumber and dumber

A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why.

She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger "units" than his dad.

His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is." Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play.

Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Perfect man

A man walked out into the street and managed to get a taxi just going by. What luck, he thought, as he slid into the cab.

"Perfect timing," the cabby said. "You're just like Bill."

"Who?" asked the man.

"Bill Smith. There's a guy who did everything right," the cabby said. "Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Bill every time."

"Nah," the man said to the cabby. "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

"Not Bill," said the cabby. "He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."

"Bill was really something, huh?"

"Oh, yeah," continued the cabby. "Bill had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday.

He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."

"No wonder you remember him," the man said.

"Well, I never actually met Bill," said the cabby.

"Then how in the world do you know so much about him?"

"I married his widow," replied the cabby.

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Tax time

A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions. He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks "What is your occupation?"

The woman replies, "I'm a high-priced whore."

The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."

The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl!"

"No, that is still too crude. Try again."

They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."

The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a call girl?"

"Well, I raised over 5,000 little peckers last year."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Death Row

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker.

The priest had given them last rites, the warden had given the formal speech, and a final prayer had been said among the participants.

The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"

To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?"

"Certainly," replied the warden.

He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?" "Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au

Embarassing situation at the doctors

A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem.

As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed.

"I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go."

The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad."

"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked.

The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."

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Email Karina and Maz, THE ZOO! zoo@sea1007.com.au